


at least the hate is some connection

by talkingtoangxls



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Estranged Fathers, Father's Day, Homophobia, Multi, The Poindexters - Freeform, separated parents, there is one (1) anxiety attack, this is literally just me projecting my daddy issues onto Dex bc i have other plans for Shitty lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-11-21 10:54:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11356020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/talkingtoangxls/pseuds/talkingtoangxls
Summary: The first Father's Day without your dad is always the hardest.





	at least the hate is some connection

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own the characters used in this story nor the webcomic that they come from. All rights go to Ngozi. Not affiliated with Ngozi or Check, Please!.

Dex was trying not to be upset. 

Key word: trying. He was emotional, and angry, and he hadn’t left his bed all day. The summers when he was home from Samwell were always spent travelling between his parents houses, but this year was different. 

When he came out to his father in November of the year before, it hadn’t gone well. 

**\\_ . _/**

“Dad, I have something to tell you,” he’d said. “I… I’m gay. And I have a boyfriend. His name is Derek. You met him when you visited.” 

He listened to the silence for a moment, waiting, wanting to hear something positive, but all he’d heard was the three beeps that let him know the call was ended. He’d tried to stay enthusiastic, making excuses -- the call was dropped, his phone died,  _ something  _ other than what really happened -- and he kept texting him, trying to pretend he was accepted until he was told that he wasn’t. 

That happened in May. He dropped his things off at his mom’s before making the drive to his dad’s to say hi to him and his girlfriend, maybe go out to dinner if he was lucky. 

He parked in the street, and nervously made his way to the door. The truth was, he had no idea what to expect. He’d been talking to Nursey and Bitty about it, but nothing prepared him for the real thing.

After he knocked, he heard shuffling from inside the house before the door was opened, and he felt a little relieved, but he knew that it was too soon to be feeling anything. 

“What are you doing here?” his father said, arms crossed, speaking through the screened storm door. 

“I’m home for the summer, and I came to see if you wanted to go get dinner or something--” 

“You’re not welcome here, William. I thought I made that clear.” 

“I-- You--” Dex felt his face heat up, and he tried to keep his emotions in check. “You never said that. I thought we were okay.” 

“You can live your life however you want, but if you’re going to live a… a homosexual lifestyle, I want no part in it. Go back to your mother’s.” 

His father held his eyes for a moment before shutting the door, and he heard the locks turn. He stood there, shocked, unable to move. It was something he should’ve seen coming, but he’d still hoped for the best. And now he was seeing where it left him.

Dex got back into his car, and he let himself go. He slammed his hand against the steering wheel, ran his hands roughly through his hair, used his sleeves to rub at his face and his eyes, letting the tears get no farther than halfway down his face before they were wiped away. 

He tried his best not to let his anger get to him on the drive home. 

**\\_ . _/**

When Father’s Day comes around a few weeks later, Dex is unsure how to handle it. He has his step-dad, sure, and he loves him as just much as he loves his biological dad, but it’s different this year. 

The first year without his dad is hard, and it’s emotional, and he feels physically sick. He debates whether or not to text him, or call him, or send him a card. Should he buy him a present? He doesn’t know. What he does know is that he’s angry. He’s angry, and upset, and deep down, he’s relieved that -- even though he has the weight of his father’s disapproval on him now -- he’s out to him. 

He spends the first few hours after he wakes up texting the team, and it helps distract him. He scrolls through his Facebook, seeing all the Father’s Day posts and deciding against making one of his own. It’s not a big decision, he knows, but that doesn’t mean it’s an easy one. 

Eventually, he leaves his room to sit with his family. He wishes his step-dad a happy Father’s Day, and he puts on a happy face and pretends he’s unaffected. 

Nursey Skypes him after the festivities are over, and he spills everything about how he’s been feeling. He knows Nursey can’t  _ really  _ relate, but he’s a good listener, and Dex appreciates it. 

**\\_ . _/**

It’s a week and a few days later when everything finally hits him. He’s trying to pack so he can visit Nursey for a week, and he can’t find the one really nice shirt he has, and the room is too hot, and things are getting messier the more he’s looking, and he can’t handle it. 

His breaths start getting shallower, and he can feel tears stinging his eyes. He sits on the edge of his bed and shoves his face into a pillow, trying to even out his breathing, except it comes out as a sob. He texts his mom,  _ ‘i think i’m having an anxiety attack’ _ , and tries to calm himself down before she gets there. 

She doesn’t say anything when she sees him, just shuts the door behind her and wraps him in her arms tightly. His hands are resting crossed over his chest, and his face is shoved into her shoulder, and the words are making their way to being comprehensible. 

“I miss Dad, and I know I shouldn’t, but I do and this was my first Father’s Day without seeing him and it’s so  _ hard, _ ” he says, a sob punctuating the end of the sentence. 

“I know,” she says, holding him tighter and rubbing his back. 

“It’s too much, Mom,” he cries. 

“I know,” she repeats, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. 

“No you don’t,” he says, and he realizes after the fact that he was only disagreeing with her because he was overwhelmed and stressed, and that she did know, because she knew what his dad was like. 

“Yes, I  _ do _ ,” she assured him. “Trust me.” 

She holds him until he’s calmed down enough that his hands aren’t shaking too badly and his breathing is almost evened out again. She presses a kiss to his head before leaving the room to get him some water and coming back with a glass in one hand a button down in the other. 

Dex is grateful for her.

**\\_ . _/**

The next year is infinitely easier. 

He and his dad have fought through phone calls over the past twelve months, sure, but that meant nothing when he saw the tears in his stepfather’s eyes when he opened the tab regarding adult adoption. 

“You’ve raised me and taught me more than my dad ever has, and you took me into your life and your house with no hesitation. I’ve done a lot of research, and since I’m over 18, we don’t have to contact my dad to have him sign away his rights so you can adopt me,” he explained. 

His stepfather hadn’t hesitated in giving him a trembling yes and pulling him into a hug, and Dex felt confident in his decision, and he felt safe, and he felt happy. He was happy. 

**Author's Note:**

> This is literally just a (super) modified version of how my first father's day without my bio dad went, lmao. Shout out to all of y'all out there with dads who aren't the best. Also, don't @ me about the adult adoption, it's a thing that I've done extensive research on, and it's like, an actual real thing as I found out around 4 AM. Also, I called what Dex had an anxiety attack instead of a panic attack because it was something that was building for a while rather than something that was brought up right there in that moment. 
> 
> Shout out to Zack for being my beta and shout out to Cailley for calling me and hanging up so I could know what it sounds like to be hung up on, ilu both
> 
> Feel free to leave kudos or drop a comment! (I try to reply to all comments!) Please check out some of my other works!
> 
> Title taken from Saturday by Hedley.
> 
> Please note: this work can be found on other websites such as Quotev under the same screen name (talkingtoangxls), and on my OMGCP sideblog (sinbinzimms.tumblr.com).
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own the characters used in this story nor the webcomic that they come from. All rights go to Ngozi. Not affiliated with Ngozi or Check, Please!.


End file.
